Last month, I shared my roadblocks caused by unhelpful thinking called cognitive distortions along the way to create this site. In this post, let’s talk about how we can challenge and change cognitive distortions.
Dismantling cognitive distortions involves cultivating awareness and consciously examining how we frame our thoughts. Developing positive mental habits is just as crucial as maintaining good physical habits. When we approach situations with a grounded perspective, we are likely to reduce feelings of anxiety and isolation. It doesn’t imply dismissing problems, challenges, or emotions; rather, it encourages addressing them with a proactive attitude, preventing our thoughts and feelings from magnifying anxiety.
So, how do we do it??
Here are the 10 Ways to Untwist Our Thinking
1) Identify the Cognitive Distortion
My thought starts with something like, (Yes, I’m still talking about my journey of creating a website) “I’m not tech-savvy enough to launch this website,” which then becomes “I’m not good enough to do this thing.” Identifying this distortion allowed me to challenge this negative belief (potentially “I’m not good at anything.”) and replace it with more realistic thoughts like, “I need some/more help to complete this website,” thus “I am capable of completing this project as soon as I obtain the support I need.”
2) Examine the Evidence
I often thought, “I’ll never finish this website. it’s too complicated!” To challenge this thought, I decided to experiment. I dedicated a few hours to working on a single page, taking small steps forward. As I made progress, I realized that my initial belief was unfounded. This small experiment helped me regain my motivation and confidence. You can also reflect on your past achievements like completing other projects successfully. That will help you recognize that you are capable of success.
3) The Double-Standard Method
Whenever I faced a setback, I had a tendency to be overly critical of myself, thinking, “I’m so incompetent.” One day, while discussing my struggles with a friend, they pointed out that I was being far harsher on myself than I would be with anyone else. This realization prompted me to apply the double-standard method. I began speaking to myself with more kindness and understanding, acknowledging that making mistakes and facing challenges is a natural part of the learning process.
4) The Experimental Technique
During one particularly frustrating episode, I felt paralyzed by self-doubt, convinced that I would never figure out certain technical aspects of website development. To put this negative thought to the test, I decided to dedicate an afternoon to tackle those specific challenges. As I worked through the problems, I discovered that I could learn and make progress. This experiment not only improved my technical skills but also boosted my confidence, demonstrating the power of the experimental technique.
5) Thinking in Shades of Grey
I often found myself thinking in black-and-white terms: “I either complete this project perfectly, or I fail miserably.” But one day, after a particularly unproductive stretch, I decided to evaluate my progress on a scale from 0 to 100. Instead of viewing my lack of progress as a complete failure, I acknowledged that I had made some headway. Recognizing that it wasn’t all or nothing allowed me to see the value in each small step forward.
6) The Survey Method
For those who read my previous post know that I vented to just about anyone who was willing to listen to my agony in dealing with WordPress. I also asked them simply, “Is this really what a regular person can do?”, “Why do you think I’m spending this much time on this project (or one aspect of the website, such as a company logo)?”
Ask people questions to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic. In my journey, seeking feedback from friends and professionals helped me gain different perspectives on my project and identify areas for improvement.
7) Define Terms
There were times when I labeled myself harshly, thinking, “I’m a failure for not finishing this website.” One day, while pondering this label, I asked myself, “What does ‘failure’ really mean?” I realized that my definition of failure was too broad and didn’t account for the progress I had made. By breaking down this global label, I was able to see that I had setbacks, but they didn’t define the entirety of my journey.
8) The Semantic Method
Substitute language that is less emotionally-loaded. Instead of saying, “I should have never started making a website,” or “I shouldn’t have procrastinated,” I started saying, “It would have been better if I hadn’t procrastinated.” This shift in language reduced the self-blame and guilt I associated with my delays.
9) Re-attribution
Instead of automatically assuming that you are entirely to blame for a problem, think about the many factors that have contributed to it. In my case, I recognized that external factors like work and family demands played a role in my procrastination, which helped me focus on finding solutions, rather than blaming myself.
10) Cost-Benefit Analysis
List the advantages and disadvantages of a feeling, a negative thought, or a behavior pattern.
-Advantage of feeling frustrated and stuck with my website project = None
-Disadvantage of these feelings = These emotions will further aggravate my avoidance and stop me from viewing the progress in small increments.
-Advantage of thinking “I hate feeling scared of possibly messing up everything I built so far” = It may indicate that I really need some professional help and that I’m tired (and possibly I have tried enough?).
-Disadvantage of these thoughts = These thoughts will affect my mood and bring up more and more unpleasant feelings such as helplessness.
-On one side, I saw the disadvantages: missed opportunities, a growing sense of frustration, and the persistent feeling of being stuck. On the other side, I considered the benefits of completing my project: a sense of accomplishment, professional growth, and the opportunity to share my expertise. This analysis made it clear that the advantages of moving forward far outweighed the drawbacks, motivating me to prioritize the project. **When it comes to procrastination, it’s essential to approach your progress as incremental rather than task completion (and celebrate small wins always!), about which I will share some ideas in a different post.
Many of these techniques are mental work; it’s mostly a way to see if you can come up with a different point of view and challenge your usual thinking pattern.
Sometimes there are situations where you say, “I know it in my head, but…” There are cases where negative cognition you learned from past experiences is so powerful that you can not help but have Hyperactive Protective Thinking Patterns(Cognitive Distortions). EMDR Intensive will be helpful in those cases as it helps client access and reprocess old wounds in a gentle way.
Lastly, if you find yourself slipping into perfectionist tendencies, why not shower yourself with a little self-love? Take a moment, stand in front of the mirror, and dish out some compliments like candy on Halloween. Tell yourself, ‘You nailed it today,’ or ‘You’re rocking it!’ Remember, as we age, receiving praise for the little victories can become rarer than a unicorn sighting. So, go ahead, give yourself a pat on the back. After all, you’re the star of your own story.